A Marriage of Inconvenience
by Biscuit50
Summary: More musings about the day-to-day relationship between Martin and Louisa.
1. Chapter 1

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

Sitting in an airport waiting for clearance to take off ... might as well do something constructive ...

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

Louisa was heartbroken following the non-wedding. As she walked down the hill, numbed … to Martin, to everyone and everything around her, she couldn't believe that a day which had started so promisingly had gone so sideways. Every little doubt she had was magnified … by her friends and their comments, as well as by her own lack of confidence in her and Martin's ability to commit to make each other happy. Looking into the future, and as well as looking back and knowing how hard it had been for them to get where they were today, she was concerned about their ability to change their own behavior, even to each other and knowing how much they cared for each other.

Because when you came down to it, both she and Martin would need to adjust their behavior and way of thinking if they were ever going to live in the same house without driving each other around the bend. Neither hadn't gotten to where they were professionally by compromising all the time. In fact, they were each strong-willed and possessed of a certainty they were right about so many things. And when it came down to it, she began to doubt whether she could change, and even more so, whether he could.

That doubt is what drove her to write the letter, and show up at Martin's house when they both should have been at the church. When she saw him there, instead of talking it through with him, she capitulated to him expressing the same doubts. Forces beyond both of them had framed all of their actions that day and cast the most dismal looking future for them in each of their minds. In the crucial moment when they should have supported each other into a better, if dauntingly challenging future together, they allowed their doubts to get the best of them.

Never one to sit inactively, she took Holly up on her offer, and moved to London almost immediately. Taking a job teaching in Holly's school was necessary in the short term, to provide something to do, and take her mind off of Martin. But at night, by herself, she slowed down and lived quietly and very alone. She continued to walk through her life, a shadow of her former self.

It was no different for Martin. Externally, he may not have appeared much different, but his life which in the few weeks he and Louisa were engaged and happier, suddenly paled back into a more sedate existence. To be sure, the villagers whom he classified as malingerers or time wasters or generally, a pack of lemmings in their personal habits and lack of hygiene, felt sorry for Martin even if they suspected he sort of had it coming, because they all assumed Louisa had come to her senses and had left him.

But truthfully, they had let themselves be persuaded by external forces and other people, as well as some inner personal demons, and each was broken in a way not easily explainable to others.

Their connection, as it would turn, was deeper than their resolve to walk away from each other.

The thought that her general feeling of lingering illness might be something else slowly dawned on Louisa. Confronting the reality that she might be pregnant was a weird confirmation that her connection to Martin was basic. Even though they had made love only a few times, and had taken precautions, on some level, they had connected in an irreversible way, and now would be connected forever. Because even Louisa could see that her biological clock was ticking, and at 37 she might not have many more chances to become pregnant by someone whom she had loved, still did, if truth be told, and why not have their baby? Assuming a healthy baby, he or she would have a good chance of being smart and having a lively intellect … and with Louisa as the main parent, as even Martin had noticed, she'd make a good mother. Her absolute comfort in being around children, and knowing how to manage them, and well, let's face it, her ability to deal with people in general, would no doubt be imparted in some fashion to any child she would have even with Martin' s contribution of half the child's DNA.

So many of Martin's social shortcomings could be directly attributed to his abysmal upbringing, rather than his lack of interest or even his personal integrity. The fact that he'd successfully survived into adulthood and, more so, as a skilled surgeon and doctor, was a testament to him. Somehow, his survival skills, honed as a young child, depended on his finely developed ability to take notice of the world around him and connect the dots, and take action. As long as the dots were things and facts, like his clocks or medical diagnoses, he could function in general society because these were valuable skills. But his lack of being around adults who had normal interpersonal relationships, and the ridicule to which he was subjected in grammar school and later, made him build some pretty thick personal walls. In order to control his universe, he developed a thick skin of truthtelling and strong resolve never to lose control. It's why he didn't drink or develop close friendships. Because if you get close to someone, they can hurt you. He learned that lesson repeatedly … from his parents, from Edith and lately, from Louisa. The only consistently reliable person in his life was Joan, and even she had her odd moments.

But in matters that counted, he knew she loved him no matter what. And it appeared that she was the only one.

He had thought Louisa felt that way about him. He absolutely felt that way about her, not that he fell all over himself saying it aloud. But he did. That time they had drunk the wine, and he had confessed that all he thought about every day was catching a glimpse of her … well, that was the truth. He was smitten and had been from the first time he saw her on the plane to his interview as Portwenn's GP. He had never been struck by the bolt of love lightning before. His interest in Edith all those years earlier was more a compatibility of intellect and frankly, her interest in him. She had proven to be a good technician, and he had fallen for her, but his feelings had not been returned in the same way.

It only added to his emotional brick wall of protection.

He had not come to Portwenn expecting to meet a love interest. At best, he was licking his wounds and making the best of a bad professional situation, his newly discovered blood phobia, which would prevent him from continuing to practice, never mind excel, as a surgeon. Moving to a less pressured environment, reconnecting with his beloved Aunty Joan, would allow him to slow down a bit, and perhaps live a slightly healthier lifestyle while he regained his professional footing, or at least continued to use his medical knowledge in a productive way, since he was too young to retire and had few other interests.

So when he met, and insulted, the attractive young woman on the plane, only to find out she was on the board recommending him to become Portwenn's GP, fate was about to play a rather entertaining game with him as a primary player, and Louisa Glasson as his opponent … or maybe it was the other way around.

The chemistry between them was palpable from the beginning. She was the beloved primary school teacher, destined to become the head of Portwenn Primary School. And he was the local GP, grumpy, ill tempered, but utterly committed to keeping those in his care as healthy as they would let him. But his manner … gruff and prickly, unassailable, arrogant in his certainty of medical knowledge … he was something of a challenge the likes of which Portwenn had not seen before.

**Pregnancy**

When Louisa returned to Portwenn, somewhat hoping to find Martin at least open to the idea of sharing parenting duties with her, she was shocked (and, ultimately, heartbroken once again) to see he had already moved on with Edith, sitting so comfortably in his kitchen sharing God knows what confidences, when she stopped by. It absolutely blew her mind that in so short a time, Martin had replaced her with the very cold, calculating Edith. It never in a million years occurred to Louisa that Martin was only her acquaintance, and that he still harbored feelings for her, especially after their disastrous first meeting upon her return.

Over the years, Louisa herself had erected a personal, somewhat inviolable wall of protection which on the outside, performed remarkably like Martin's exterior … it led her to jump to act first, think later, before anyone could reach inside her and break her heart all over again. Although that damage had been done.

It was hard to celebrate the life growing within her, knowing that Martin wasn't interested in parenting their child. She also had a multitude of issues to deal with, including finding another place to live, ensuring it was clean and child worthy, and even just getting enough food and rest every day. Emotionally, she was much more brittle than she'd ever been, which was saying something, given her navigation of local intrigue when her father had absconded with the village's funds for the lifeboats. She had worked so hard to maintain a decent reputation in the community, but now she was the subject of much speculation (mostly behind her back), because her lack of prudent birth control was evident for all to see, despite the fact that it had been a spectacular fail for both her and Martin, not intentional or even really, sloppy.

She was surprised by Martin's assumption that he would have become her GP again, upon her return, despite the broken state of their relationship. If she had reflected on it for even a few minutes in a less hormonal and agitated state, she might have seen how hurt he was by her lack of even considering him in this context.

Later, as he tried to offer support, whether to drive her to her appointments, or financially, for their child's upkeep, she had a very hard time accepting his offers as anything other than doing the minimum necessary as required by law. She maintained her position that she could take care of everything and it … no, they … were not his concern.

Martin, in turn, couldn't understand how Louisa could be so stubborn and so unaware of how hard her future would become. With the addition of their child to her life, she was facing a future of more hard work, less of a social life, since the child would require a lot of attention, never mind the significant expense attached to raising a child. He was sick at the thought of her shouldering the burden for their mistake all alone. In fact, he never intended to abandon her or their child, but as she grew increasingly adamant and as he could never recover her good graces, he felt he had no choice. He couldn't bear to watch her go through all this alone. So he turned to the one thing that had always sustained him, and decided to take active measures to return to his surgical practice and his former standing among that community back in London. As he worked through the desensitizing procedures on a daily basis, he felt a small measure of control being returned to him. His whole experience in Portwenn would soon be behind him. At least his future interactions with his child, if Louisa allowed them, would show him to be a well respected medical professional of some standing. It was the best he would likely be able to offer his unborn child.

As their child's due date grew closer, they each became stressed for different reasons. Martin planned his departure from Portwenn. Louisa was facing the inevitable.

**Fast forward.**

Baby Philip has arrived on the scene. The crucible of Martin and Louisa being rather hastily thrown together with each other and the major complication of a newborn as well, promised the village all the entertainment they could hope for with these two characters. The two main characters, however, had a lot of adjusting to do.

The distraction of baby Philip was, at first, a good way for Louisa and Martin to focus on something other than each other. As a newborn, he was fairly good at sleeping, a bit of crying, eating and pooping. She couldn't believe how much she loved Philip from the minute she first saw him. She loved holding him, kissing him, smelling his new baby smell. Learning to breastfeed him was scary at first, but once they got the hang of it, a perfectly natural way of connecting. The first time Martin saw them when Philip was feeding, he couldn't take his eyes off them – Louisa absolutely captivated by their son, and radiant. Even Martin could marvel in the beauty of the two most important people in his life, although he was embarrassed to be caught looking.

To him Louisa had grown more beautiful with pregnancy and as a new mother. Although she had a few pounds to lose, her larger breasts and curvier figure made her irresistible to Martin. He couldn't take his eyes off them. How had this happened? He didn't really believe in God, but larger forces than him were clearly at work here.

When Martin originally proposed, "I can't bear to be without you. Please will you marry me, Louisa," she took his breath away. He couldn't believe that she loved him as much as he loved her, and he couldn't believe she consented so quickly. He didn't use the word love, but he didn't shy away from her. They had precious little time together before their non-wedding, due to interruptions of idiot, nosy villagers. But neither had they realized how little time they would be spending together, since at that point, they didn't know they'd both walk away from each other a few weeks hence.

Now they were willingly jumping back into the fray together, except there were new rules and at least one new participant and new dynamics.

They got a new house, as quickly as Martin was able to find one. While he looked for another place, they stayed at White Rose Cottage, which was too small for all three of them. His house would not do, since there was a constant parade of infectious villagers, not the sort of environment conducive to raising a newborn in a healthy environment. During the day, Martin headed over to the surgery (thank God, he was able to get his old post back before he was replaced permanently), and at lunchtime, he conducted a search of possible local homes that met his list of requirements: multiple bedrooms, bright open living spaces, a study for him to work in, a deck area where Louisa could enjoy a view of the sea, and a yard for Philip to play in when he got older.

He found the perfect place up the hill from where he lived previously, a bit closer to Joan's, and it really was the perfect house. It had a large kitchen area, which opened into a good sized family room. There was a study on the first floor, where Martin and Louisa could set up desks. A formal dining room completed the main rooms on the first floor. Upstairs, there were four bedrooms, including the master suite. One room was set up for Philip, and two guest rooms were also arranged. Martin would occasionally take advantage of sleeping there when he was on call at night, since his comings and goings could easily awake Louisa, and they both agreed, she needed every bit of sleep she could get what with feeding Philip and all.

Ever since returning from the hospital, first to White Rose Cottage, then to the new house, Martin and Louisa had shared a bed, although it wasn't an ideal arrangement. At first, they both wanted to share parenting responsibilities, taking care of the baby. They were pretty good at it. Philip slept a lot at first. They each loved holding him and just marveling at how peaceful he was. Martin loved watching Louisa and Philip sleep together, at nap times. They were his perfect nuclear family.

But as far as there being much in the way of romance, well, there really wasn't, especially at first. It was more nerves and each trying not to irritate the other too much. But trying to be good in and of itself was stressful. So they concentrated on their son, more than each other at first.

Philip was blond, and at first, rather slight in size. But he fed constantly, and never tired of consuming as much as he could. Every day, his resemblance to Martin became clearer. Joan had spotted it right away, how much Philip resembled Martin as a child. Philip was very clearly his son. His resemblance to Louisa was more in demeanor than actual looks. He liked looking at people, studying them intently, and eventually, when he smiled, his eyes twinkled in the same way as Louisa's, and his grin was infectious, just like hers.

While he looked like Martin, Philip loved laughing with Louisa. He watched every move she made … she talked to him, read him books, sang him songs. She told him wonderful stories … not that he would remember them later on, but what he responded to was the sound of her voice, her lilt, her colorful turn of phrase. She told him endless stories about the town and all the characters therein, as well as more traditional children's stories. It was easy to see why she'd been drawn to teaching – she was a natural at relating to children, especially their son. Martin couldn't help but think how lucky Philip was to be loved so much and so easily. He'd never had that kind of relationship with his parents.

Martin loved watching Louisa and Philip interact. He had been right, she was a wonderful mother. But as he was painfully aware, she was a lot more than Philip's mother. He couldn't believe how beautiful Louisa had become. Her presence, in such close proximity, was distracting beyond belief. He'd always maintained control when it came to sex and matters of the heart. Except with Louisa.

He was smitten all over again, but he didn't want to push things along too quickly, not wanting to drive her away. He still lacked at least one essential quality – knowing instinctively when was the right time to blurt out the first (painfully honest) thing that came to mind. He just couldn't bring himself to think or act diplomatically at any juncture, even when it would serve his own ends. For someone who paid attention to his patients' physical surroundings, he was remarkably unable to see those closest to him. He and Louisa were trying to behave well, but their lack of sleep, her hormones continuing to adjust, and the general awkwardness that had always been an undercurrent in their communications continued to plague them.

Simple things like Martin monitoring every bite of food she consumed for "optimal nutritional value" or watching her and the baby like a hawk for anything doctorly to which he could respond was enough to drive a sane person quite mad. Louisa too, was a bit brittle, what with the extra weight she was carrying, and the occasional thoughtless remark from Martin ("that weight will not easily shift, Louisa … shouldn't be eating empty calories" or some equally aggravating observation which really didn't benefit anyone). During her pregnancy, when she had been alone, she had erected a wall of seeming not to care what Martin thought, and it was hard to switch that behavior off, once it had been turned on. It was true that she loved him, probably more than ever, but she did not want to have her heart broken again. It was too painful.

After repeatedly stepping in it with Louisa on a regular basis, and it leading to awkward mini-rows and other misunderstandings, it began to dawn on him that perhaps he could apply the same behavioral modification techniques to his instant response reflexes that he had in conquering his blood phobia. The stakes were high – he wanted a happier homelife for his entire family … and it wasn't going to happen without some work on his part. Who knew, perhaps if it worked for him, he could persuade Louisa to curb her jumping to wrong conclusions about his intent about everything that came out of his mouth.

Unbeknownst to Louisa, he contacted Dr. Milligan and scheduled an appointment. Dr. Milligan was surprised to have Martin come in for something so personal, but was encouraged to learn how important relationships with his newly acquired family were to him. He became convinced that Martin's social ineptitude was a carefully erected wall of self-defense, learned in early childhood as a way of coping with parents who were cold, selfish and uncaring. That Martin had chosen a caring, helpful profession, that he was attracted to a woman who was a social magnet in their town, demonstrated that under his gruff exterior, there really was hope for him.

And Martin reveled in a challenge. When Joan had suggested that people couldn't change their behavior, he insisted he could, but he had never had a reason to do so. Well, now he was living with the two most important reasons. If he wanted a long and happier future, he would have to make a good faith effort to develop empathic skills and behavior, at least towards them. The villagers were another story. His ability to supply adequate, even superior, diagnostic and medical attention to all of the people in his care was fine … no need to adapt there, or so he thought. Best take one step at a time …

His sessions with Dr. Milligan were painfully difficult at first. Even as he recounted descriptions of conversations with Louisa, he didn't always understand or see where he went off the rails with her. In his mind, she was irrational in some of her responses. If Martin's descriptions were accurate, Dr. Milligan had to agree that there were times that Louisa's reactions were not particularly "rational." However, given that they lived together and that the ultimate goal was to engender a more harmonious living situation, he embarked on a course of providing Martin with appropriate responses in every type of situation. The goal of every conversation wasn't to be right, necessarily. At first, it was just to get along with each other, rather than antagonize each other.

Louisa was pleasantly surprised, and shocked, at how with a little positive reinforcement from her as his conversational skills improved, at the transformation of her gruff, monosyllabic … well, he wasn't her husband yet, but that's how she was beginning to think of him. At home and in private, they were beginning to get along better and better. To be sure, there were the daily challenges of sleep deprivation, constant interruptions from the villagers whose intrusiveness really knew no boundaries, and even from the helpful, but also somewhat intrusive, visits from Joan, who loved seeing Philip and was herself delighted in how much happier Louisa and Martin seemed. Given the pressures that had brought them together so abruptly, they were becoming devoted to each other, at least in private.

It was time to make it official. Immediately following Philip's birth, Martin had blurted out his insistence that they get married and "make it official." He was conventional in his outlook, after all, and didn't see the point in waiting. Since they had mucked it up the first time, Louisa was a little less persuaded that they needed to rush into anything. Why not give the living together and adapting to each other a chance to work first, was her point of view. They'd already produced a child outside the confines of marriage … why not test – and prove – the strength of their commitment to each other and their child before making it official? Seemed perfectly reasonable to her, at this point in their lives. As the months passed, however, and as they became more cohesive as a family unit, it was becoming apparent that when they married, it was going to be a confirmation of their love for each other.

Because that was the foundation of their relationship. Despite their silly misunderstandings over fairly trivial things, they were falling in love all over again. Each passing day solidified their love for each other – whether it was Martin's making an effort (superhuman on his part) to modify his behavior into really trying to understand her and take what she said more seriously, or her effort to include him in decisions and parenting and everything else. They each had been so independent for so long, used to governing their own actions without the need to consult another or take another's point of view, that they both had to learn new behavior.

Louisa tried to demonstrate her growing appreciation for how hard Martin was working on acquiring new social skills, at least with her and Philip. She marveled at how well he learned to do all of the baby care things – changing him, bathing him, monitoring his health at regular intervals. She was even more amazed by how he was bonding with Philip (with her encouragement) by talking to him. There was no baby talk; that would have been beyond Martin's ability. But Martin found himself having little private conversations with Philip, practicing some of his emerging social skills on a baby who was sometimes rapt with Martin's attention, but who couldn't argue with him or talk back.

"So today, Dr. Milligan suggested that I practice being thankful out loud, in regular conversation. What does that mean, I asked, and he responded that I need to think every morning of the people or things I'm grateful for, and then tell someone about it. As I need someone to practice on, my boy, I'm going to start with you because I'm thankful that you listen so attentively and seem to appreciate my point of view. In fact, I would say you're the one who appreciates my point of view more than anyone. Well, I'm going to assume that because we fellows have to stick together in matters of importance. I hope to have a better relationship with you than my own father had with me. I'm thankful that I appear to already have that. You agree with me on all key points. In this regard, I'm a lucky father. And we're both lucky to have your mother. I'm thankful every day that she had the good sense to let me back into her life. Yes, she is beautiful, isn't she? I quite agree with you on that point. We are two exceptionally lucky guys."

Having heard Martin talking, Louisa couldn't help but be drawn into the hallway outside the Philip's nursery. As she listened to every word, she was touched. By how Martin was taking to being a father, how he interacted with his son, his confidence growing every day. And she loved that he and Philip would be bonding as the men in the family … that seemed to be Martin's intent, and that confirmed how right she had been to allow him back into their lives. Why had she ever excluded him?

But when the monologue (was it a conversation if only one party was talking?) turned to how lucky they were to have her in their lives, her eyes filled with tears. She felt exactly the same way. Her home life had never been stable, what with an itinerant father, who was at best unreliable, at worst a minor criminal and an absent mother who had been gone for most of her life. The only person she'd ever been able to rely on was herself, and she was completely self made. That's why her current position as Head of Portwenn Primary was so important to her. She loved being a recognized and contributing member of the local community and participated actively in many of the local goings on. But on a personal level, she'd never had a satisfactory long-term relationship or much of a family. Nor had she ever had a longstanding, satisfying relationship with a man.

She had always been attracted to interesting men, and dated some here and there, but always keenly aware that not one of them was long-term relationship material. Upon meeting, and being offended by, Martin during his interview, she found herself unexpectedly attracted to him when it appeared that his interest in her had been for her welfare in diagnosing her glaucoma, not in making inappropriate advances. She realized that he was one dimensional professionally, but suspected that there was more going on under the surface or at least hidden from view. And, God help her, that thought alone was drawing her in.

The fact that he was somewhat unapproachable also represented a challenge. Louisa liked a bit of challenge and a bit of mystery. Having grown up in Portwenn, there weren't any local men who were of the slightest interest to her sexually. Other than Danny's reappearing for a while, no one had really sparked any kind of … well, spark for her. Until she met Martin.

Their charged interactions were stimulating in the extreme. He could be so irritating, but like many women, she viewed men as moldable clay – something to be worked or shaped into something better if there were enough "good stuff" there to be worthwhile shaping into something better. That's what it was all about, right? Finding a man who had appropriate values and ideas and then finding out if there was any chemistry between them that would signal the all important: it's time to make him better. Martin was an esteemed professional – a famous surgeon who had chosen to become the local GP. Intellectually, he was her superior in many ways.

So, a point for Martin. He also had a lot of personal presence. For one, he was tall and imposing, with an oddly regal manner of holding himself. He wasn't classically good looking – with those ears that stuck out a bit further from his head than might be thought handsome. The way he dressed was a bit formal for village life. She thought it would be nice from time to time to see him in more casual clothes, and, God forbid, not wearing a tie.

His manner added to his imposing presence. Gruff, abrupt, arrogantly "right" about everything, seemingly lacking a social filter, prone to acting decisively without always verifying key facts, but always in the name of putting the health of those in his care first. As she got to know him, it was that core value of demonstrated caring which became increasingly appealing to her. Despite his gruffness and rudeness, she felt she could trust him as her doctor because she believed he would always put her health first, which was an ideal trait in a health professional.

She couldn't help feeling that underneath that somewhat harsh exterior, there was a good person, and an attractive man/challenge. She wanted to know him better.

That desire had led to the infamous incident between them, of sharing several bottles of wine, him confessing his attraction to and love for her, to be followed by his denial of having said any of those things and to accusing her of stalking him for all the wrong reasons. Erotomania, my arse, she thought. He actually said the words he loved her before she ever did. She had not lost her faculties the way he had, and that seed, once planted in her psyche, grew.

She had taken the initiative multiple times, inviting him for dinner and later, to the concert. She wanted to explore whether they could get closer and possibly have some sort of a future together. When all seemed insurmountable, and she sadly declared she couldn't see him any longer, that they had no future, things seemed grim indeed. Only to turn around during the following few days, when he unexpectedly proposed marriage following his treatment of Holly and her being reminded of why she had initially been so attracted to him. Things between them would never be easy.

Maybe that's why they would have an interesting future together. Maybe a marriage of inconvenience was not out of the question. With such inauspicious beginnings, one might assume that they were never going to get out of the starting blocks and they very nearly hadn't. But once launched into their future, they both seemed to be embracing it, cautiously, but also optimistically because there was reason for optimism, probably tinged with some concern.

Louisa for her part, determined to show Martin that his willingness to try and change was greatly appreciated. Being the more demonstrative of the two, she embarked on her own campaign to change and demonstrate in words and actions how much she loved Martin. Because she did. If the truth is known, she loved him to distraction. She loved his presence. His sheer size when he would wrap his arms around her was comforting and stimulating all at the same time. She loved touching him, and him touching her.

When he was studying in the office, or sitting on the couch, reading a book, she loved putting her arms around his neck and distracting him from whatever he was doing, reassuring him physically how much she appreciated and loved him. As they grew more comfortable around each other. she was often rewarded by him grabbing her and kissing her soundly. He had not known the reliability of such physical comfort and delight in his entire life. At first, he was a little intimidated by her seeming forwardness, but he found that he liked being the object of her affections. It demonstrated to him her attraction to him. He didn't really understand it or her – no one in his life before had demonstrated such appreciation for him. And when he looked in a mirror, he could recognize that on a general social scale, Louisa was like a nine out of ten, whereas, under the best of circumstances, he was more of a six or a seven. He was concerned that he wasn't an equal match for her and was a bit afraid that someday, she'd wake up and realize she could do better than him.

In her mind, though, the physical attributes she particularly liked coupled with his ability to learn to do anything – cook masterfully, operate, fix things – well, those other things more than made up for any physical shortcomings. And oddly, she didn't regard herself as that great a catch either. With the baggage of her upbringing, and her modest living in a small town, and the fact that she was 37 and unmarried with no real prospects thus far, well, she wasn't getting any younger. She didn't think that she was picky when it came to relationships, but neither was she willing to settle for the wrong one.

So as their relationship blossomed in the wake of Philip's birth, and widened to include him, a dimension neither one had anticipated was added to each of their lives.

Observing Martin's strict carbohydrate curfew by eating early every night, they adopted a routine of dining early, and then retiring to work on projects. Louisa's main project at the moment was Philip. She loved talking to him and playing with him. He was alert and studious, even before he could speak. It was clear that he was absorbing information from the world around him. He watched Martin observing things, and so he copied that behavior. He tried to talk when they spoke to him. To date, there was no intelligible speech, but they knew it was a matter of time before he would be babbling away.

They both loved how happy a baby he was. When not staring intently, as if to study whatever was in front of him, he "interacted" with whomever was taking care of him at that moment. He smiled and babbled. He loved being around Martin too, a fact of which Martin was secretly very proud. His boy, a child he had never imagined having, loved being held by him, talked to by him, and snuggling with him. It was humbling and thrilling all at once for Martin, who had not known such affection as a youngster, except from Aunty Joan and Uncle Phil. As a socially shy child, and somewhat inept, he had not learned the finer points of human interactions, except how to survive when he was sent away to school at a very young age. There he learned that if he excelled gradewise and skillwise, at least the adults would leave him alone. Once he discovered an interest, and subsequent skill for, medicine, he applied himself whole heartedly, since there were few distractions in his life.

When Edith had taken him on as a bit of a project, and it graduated to an intimate relationship, Martin had imagined himself in love with her and brought her home to meet Joan and Phil. But at the first test of their relationship, Edith made it clear she was career oriented first, and Martin, while a nice diversion, was not going to derail her professional ambitions. She left for a fantastic opportunity in Canada, and until he ran into her following his non-marriage to Louisa, he hadn't really thought about her.

Although Edith was his intellectual equal, he found that being in her company only made him hark back to every interaction with Louisa. He respected Edith's intellect, but he craved Louisa's spark and warmth. As he watched Louisa struggle through her pregnancy, alone, helped by Joan and Bert and Al and other villagers, he was perplexed at her attitude but he was hurt too. He offered to take her for her antenatal appointments at the hospital in Truro, but she wouldn't accept any help from him. Every time he tried to talk to her about the practicalities of his contributing towards the care and upbringing of their child, she would get indignant or misunderstand him, deliberately, so it seemed to him at the time. True, her hormones were raging and her body was undergoing a huge and scary transformation. She was alone, pregnant and antagonistically involved with the father of her child. It was perplexing and extremely depressing. But she didn't want to rely on Martin, because she had independently made the decision to raise their child – with or without his help. She didn't ask for it, because she was afraid he would say no. So rather than open the rejection door even a crack, she made sure he knew she was determined to go it alone.

After Philip's birth and seeing how much work a small baby entailed, she realized how hard it would have been to negotiate daily life without Martin. He prepared a great many of their meals, and helped with shopping and other necessities. She tended to take care of the laundry and house upkeep, to the extent her work and Philip allowed. In buying their house, Martin had contributed the lion's share of the down payment, but they both contributed towards the mortgage and all operational expenses.


	2. Chapter 2

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

The airport and flying, in general, are facilitating this story. Packed on a plane alone with 137 travelers inspires me to take a mental trip to Cornwall ...

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

They had been sleeping in the same bed ever since Philip's birth, if you could call it that. Immediately following his birth, of course, they were constantly fighting sleep deprivation, as Louisa would have to wake regularly to feed Philip or Martin was on call. Sleep was more of a non-awake state, than a truly restful, restorative one. The general frisson of tension in their day to day activities didn't help make their sex life better, although it wasn't bad, all things considered.

Their previous passion hadn't yet sparked into the full-blown, red hot fire that both knew lay somewhere below the surface. After all, their sparks over the years had come from somewhere … But, how to channel their energy, when fighting exhaustion, less than stellar communications and, let's face it, growing frustration knowing that if they could ever did figure it out, they could be great.

Talking and listening seemed to be challenges for both of them. They could talk about specific matters, house payments or groceries to be procured, or upkeep on the car or whatever. But about their feelings and their future, it was as if they didn't want to ring a bell that couldn't be unrung. The desire not to open up too much and expose oneself to being hurt was too deeply ingrained in each one, for different reasons.

These two were epic in their emotional clumsiness.

Interruptions in their daily lives were the norm, unfortunately. Being two fairly public figures in the town, people sought their advice, felt free to march into their home, etc., in search of whatever trivial matter was on their minds. They also offered their opinions very freely, not always have facts or figures to confuse the issue.

The one area which seemed to engender the most unsolicited comments from people involved their lack of marital commitment to each other. Mrs. Tishell was still actively trying to seduce Martin, even when Louisa was standing right there with him. When Martin wasn't there, Louisa was subjected to all sorts of little catty comments from the chemist. Mrs. Tishell wanted him. Martin, of course, was oblivious and wouldn't have cared if he was paying attention.

The only person whose interest he sought was Louisa's. Although they were living together, he realized that they weren't moving forward towards getting married. He really didn't understand why, since he had mentioned it, and since they clearly were going to stay together.

He consulted Dr. Milligan. Being a professional, Dr. Milligan pointed out all of the obvious things: perhaps Louisa could do with a bit of wooing on his part, perhaps she couldn't read his mind (it was for certain that he couldn't read hers). He tried to put it in a context Martin could understand: do you like it when she demonstrates how attracted she is to you? How does she show it? Do you show similar affection and desire for her?

But she knows I'm devoted to her, and that I care for her.

Do you tell her? What words do you use?

Well, no, I don't say it, but I do live it every day. I take care of our needs. Isn't that enough?

The thing about relationships is this: words are powerful, in some ways, as powerful or more powerful than actions, because they label and identify how we feel. When you tell her in so many words how you feel about her, there will be no more guessing. She will know, because you will have said exactly how you feel.

But I can't do that. It's not my nature. And besides, she knows how I feel.

What did you just tell me you want from her?

I would like us to be closer and not to be antagonistic towards each other. In fact, I'd love it if we were more affectionate with each other, physically in particular. More sex, if you want to know. And I'd like us to get married. She won't agree to marry me.

Let me remind you of a couple of things: a mother who has recently given birth may not want sex right away. She may not want to rush into marriage at this point because of what happened to you two before.

I know, and I'm trying to be considerate in both regards, but I can't help it. These are the things I want. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Especially when it comes to getting married. It's the proper thing to do, since we have a son together, and we are living together as a family.

What are the consequences if you don't get married? What are the consequences if you wait a while before getting married? What are the foundations for a successful, happy marriage?

Well, there are the legal reasons to get married. Right now, I have no standing other than having been listed Philip's birth certificate at the Register's office as his father. Since we're not married, I can't make any official decisions for him – even medical ones. It's not right.

Have you discussed this with Louisa?

Well, not exactly. I have made my son my primary heir, and I've made full provisions for Louisa's welfare in the event of my premature death. I've also taken care to provide for them all the way to Philip's maturity, at least, as well as I can.

Martin, where does love fall on your list of reasons to marry?

Well obviously, it's at the top of the list.

Why "obviously"? What's obvious about it?

Well, it's the reason most people are together in the first place, isn't it? It's the reason I want to be with Louisa, and oddly enough, I think it's the reason she wants to be with me. She has told me multiple times that she still loves me, despite all that's happened.

Have you returned that sentiment? Have you clearly told her how you feel about her? If she's like most women, she will want to be assured and reassured that you love her. Despite your daily demonstrations of caring for her (and I know that you do care for her and Philip), until you have a little more history of living together and passing a few normal family milestones, pretend that you need to spell out every nuance of feeling you have for her. Given that you are reserved in your speech patterns and even in physical attentions, you may be surprised at the benefits such expressions will elicit from her. Think of her as someone who's starving … and what you're offering is like food. You may get all the other things that you think you want.

But really, she's not like other women …

As those words came out of his mouth, and despite his great discomfort at having to say out loud the things that were so well hidden inside him, he realized the validity of what Dr. Milligan was telling him. This was why he had consulted him in the first place, wasn't it? He's a specialist in this regard, and Martin clearly needed professional help.

So as uncomfortable as he knew this was going to make him, he decided to practice in secret, saying out loud all the things that felt silly and sentimental, to tell Louisa just how much he loved and appreciated her.

Being an extremely organized and private person, Martin decided to make a list of all the things he loved about Louisa, and rate them in importance, so that when he presented this information, it would be logical and compelling all at once. He began to apply a fairly analytical approach to his process, assigning different values for short, medium and long term impacts, and who was affected. The other quantitative measures he applied were: strength of the feeling, importance in how it would smooth things over in day to day life, whether it impacted other people (since Louisa was naturally social, she exerted a much broader influence than he did, or so he felt). As he began to construct his list, it took on a life of its own.

**Martin's List: **_**Reasons I Love Louisa**_

_Wonderful Mother_. Long term, impacts Philip, me.

_Loving Partner._ Long term, impacts me, Philip. Other descriptors: committed, loving, caring, naturally affectionate.

_Strong member of community._ Well respected head of the school, contributing member on the selection committee that originally hired him, participant and supporter of local causes, well liked. Proven over the long term, second nature to her.

_She loves me._ Despite our inability to communicate clearly at times, I don't doubt her commitment in loving me. She claims she always has, and she really did kind of demonstrate it under trying circumstances carrying Philip, even though she, mistakenly, as it turns out, thought that I didn't want him. She also appears to be very attracted to me, and I find that I love the private ways that she shows me how attracted she is to me. I've never had that kind of sustained, long-term attention, and I don't deny it: I love it and I love her for it.

_Louisa is fun._ Her energy and enthusiasm are inspiring. I've probably never told her that, but I love watching her work a room, or an event. She includes people and makes them feel special and welcome … actually, now that I think of it, she didn't do that with me, but it may have been her misinterpretation of my intentions the first time we met on the plane, and later at that odd interview. She was protective and a bit antagonistic and combative. But fiery. And incredibly attractive.

_Beautiful._ She's really beautiful, inside and out. Of course, I was attracted first to her outsides, but she's beautiful inside too. I see it with Philip. She called me out once, and said I was me through and through. I believe the same could be said for her. She's gorgeous through and through, isn't she?

_Sensitive._ This might be a double edged observation. Louisa is sympathetic, standing up for underdogs like Peter Cronk and me, but fully willing to tackle difficult challenges such as having Peter when it was clear we were no longer together and she was hurt and alone and pregnant. _Note to self_: Maybe I shouldn't refer to her as emotional. That seems to be a charged word for her.

_Strong._ She's a lot stronger than I have given her credit for in the past. In fact, it would appear there's very little she cannot do, once she sets her mind to it. I remember how she handled keeping the seemingly impetigo-inflicted children in school when I clearly demanded they remain at home, so that their parents could keep on working, but strictly segregated them, paying attention to all medical advice, and hiring a separate teacher for them. She was also willing to give birth to Philip alone, if need be, when it appeared that I wasn't going to be a part of the picture.

_Intelligent._ Although the candidate field was not exactly stellar when she applied to be the head teacher in Portwenn Primary, she prepared and was extremely thoughtful in every answer, as well as a strong advocate for both the children and their parents.

_A knockout and quite gorgeous._ I'll only admit this in private, and only to her, but she really is off the charts in looks and energy and creativity. The fact that I'm fascinated with her, whether I'm awake or asleep means that she reached me, and still reaches me, on the most basic of levels. How does that happen? How can one person invade another person's thoughts and dreams?

Milligan's right. This list, although a bit on the superficial side, does reveal a woman worthy of a great deal of attention and care by a suitable partner. Since I'm lucky enough to have been chosen by her, I need to make sure she knows how I feel about her. I'm going to have to practice saying some of these words, because I choke on the words and everything then comes out all wrong. I wonder, would she mind if I read it off this list?

Martin, get a grip. Even I know that reading off of a list is not romantic. Perhaps I should consult Dr. Milligan about appropriate message delivery methods. Should I do it over a romantic dinner? Will we ever have another one, with Master Philip around? How long can I wait before I tell her these things?

Although he had some apprehension, Martin could see some value in sharing some of these things. He well remembered how horrid his own parents had been … that their outward appearances which were very proper, they were superficial in the extreme. Joan and Phil, while much more down to earth, were less focused on the tidiness of feelings, and more demonstrative. He had to teach himself how to be more demonstrative with Louisa, or he might lose her to that tosser, Danny. His lip curled at the thought of it.

Meanwhile, Louisa was struggling with her own emotions about Martin. She loved having him around, and there was no question, he was quite helpful in many ways – a good cook, a parent willing to learn how to help with Philip although he often needed some encouragement to act rather than wait for instructions. He was attentive in the extreme to all of their diets and medical conditions. One might say that they were a subject of study as much as anything.

She knew he would marry her in an instant if only she raised the issue at all. But she really wanted him to tell her how he felt about her when he was sober. Surely it wasn't too much to hope for or expect that his love could be expressed in the sober state nearly as easily as in the inebriated one. Especially for someone who was as decisive as Martin in actions … at what point would he find the words to say how he felt? And at what point would she accept his demonstrated love as well as his (spoken) love?

Being around him all the time had its benefits. He focused on completing tasks, seeing things through. As the frequent beneficiary of his largesse, Louisa appreciated his help around the house and with Philip. But there was one area where they needed to not take each other for granted.

Martin lately had become rather quiet, spending some time alone, working on some personal project or something. When she questioned him about it, he evaded the questions, but he did seem to be watching her a lot lately. Maybe he was reconsidering whether he'd made the right choice in remaining in Portwenn.

He would often stiffen when she initially hugged him or kissed him as part of their daily routine. If their intimacy continued privately, he would eventually loosen up, but he always had the feel of being somewhat of a guest with Louisa, rather than, well, than a husband. She didn't allow herself to take him for granted, because she remembered too well what it was like when he wasn't there. The walls protecting him from her were thick, however, as was his still-intact lack of tact. She had no idea he was making a list of reasons he loved her.

Dr. Milligan suggested that Martin go to a special effort to formally tell Louisa his feelings. While neither would feel comfortable being away from Philip for more than a long, romantic dinner while he was this young, they did feel comfortable enough letting Joan watch him while they went out for an evening.

When Martin invited Louisa for a dinner out, she was surprised and pleased, both at the thought that he had planned it and that maybe things were in better shape than she had hoped. She was looking forward to dressing up more than she realized, because while the role of new mum was rewarding, it wasn't one of looking one's best, even on a good day. These days, Martin had never looked better. Well, he looked pretty much the same as he always did.

Louisa was the one who had undergone a transformation. In losing her pregnancy weight, there had been a redistribution of sorts. Knowing that Martin didn't really like change, and feeling somewhat insecure about his feelings in general, Louisa wanted to present herself as well as she could. What she didn't factor into the equation was (since she never heard it) how attractive she was in his eyes. He would look at her with an inscrutable expression; she took it as a bit of criticism, he was actually enjoying the view most of the time. Had she been able to hear the words in his head, she would have been thrilled to learn how much he loved her and wanted her.

So she bought a lovely dress that accentuated her slightly fuller figure (breast feeding will do that to a woman), and heels that brought her a little closer to her Martin's height, and hoped for the best. In fact, when he saw her, she took his breath away. It put the pressure on him, however, to enact his plan successfully.

At The Cornwall Inn's restaurant, the most exclusive one in Truro, Martin took care to order a delicious and possibly even optimally nutritious meal, and instructed the wait staff to pace the meal, so he would have time to accomplish his mission. Tonight, he wanted everything to be perfect. Louisa ordered a glass of wine, and Martin his usual mineral water, which helped with his suddenly dry throat.

It's nice to get out just the two of us, isn't it? Louisa inquired.

Yes, it is, Martin agreed, although I wouldn't want to make a habit of it. Not good to be constantly changing Philip's routine, or making him unsettled. Martin could be so easily distracted by whatever Louisa said … he really needed to learn some good coping mechanisms to reduce his distractability, he thought to himself and nearly pulled out a pen and paper to make a note. Luckily, in the nick of time, he remembered why he was there.

As they sipped their drinks and ate a sampling of starters, especially created by the chef, to go with their later main courses, they appreciated the way the food was presented, and not having had to prepare it themselves. Martin couldn't take his eyes off of Louisa. She smiled at him, but was beginning to be a bit nervous. Something was clearly on his mind.

I've been seeing Dr. Milligan for what I consider a serious issue, Martin began. Suddenly Louisa became a bit nervous, not knowing where this was leading.

It occurred to me that behavioral change, especially for me, does not come easily. As I thought about it, I realized that it was not dissimilar to my blood thing, and that resolution might be as simple as behavior modification on my part. Our living together, adjusting to a new life with Philip and each other, and everything has been challenging. For obvious reasons, I want to get it right.

Two weeks ago, I had a bit of a breakthrough with him. He suggested that I need to fix the most important thing in my life, and that I shouldn't take it for granted.

Martin paused to take a breath.

Louisa, you are that thing, the most important thing in my life. I love our son, but he wouldn't exist if I hadn't loved you first. And I still love you first.

In order to better prepare myself, I've made lists and ratings of all the things I love about you, and I've been practicing saying the words out loud. But as I sit here, having memorized a fairly long list, I'm completely unable to remember it. You have that effect on me.

Martin reached across the table, and put her left hand in his right, and held it very gently. Louisa, for her part, was uncharacteristically silent, overcome as she was by his words. Tears were forming in her eyes, she was unable to stop them.

So my list of reasons I love you, Louisa, are things like: I love your energy and enthusiasm, I love your being a fantastic mother, I love the way you love Philip and me. I was right, you are a wonderful mother and he's a lucky boy to have you. I love how beautiful you are. I still can't take my eyes off of you, as I'm sure you must have noticed. I know that what I feel for you is love because I can't escape it – even though we now sleep together and spend a fair amount of time together, I still dream about you and how attracted I am to you. I can't help myself.

Louisa smiled at that admission.

Martin, I've always felt that way about you. I'm crazy for you too, and have been for a long time. Thank you for telling me all these things. Selfishly, I've wanted to hear you say it out loud, that you love me as much as I know I love you.

They barely noticed when dinner was served, as they now were just enjoying their private thoughts. It was special just having each other to focus on, with no other distractions. The food was delicious, not that they would remember much of it later on.

He had planned to propose after dinner. Everything was going so well, and having had the reinforcement of nutrition, as well as Louisa's obvious delight at what he had said earlier, he decided to take the plunge. Reaching across the table again, he took her hand in his, and looked into her eyes.

Louisa, I love you more with each passing day, I love our son, and I love our life together. I've given this a lot of thought, and I come to the same conclusion over and again, you are the love of my life, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life making love to, arguing with, sharing responsibilities with, sleeping with, just being with. I know it won't be easy, because I'm not easy. But I've been lucky enough to be loved by you, and I don't want to ever treat your love lightly or take you for granted. Please will you marry me and say we'll be together as long as we live?

Martin, that was all I was waiting to hear from you. Of course I love you and want to be with you. Yes, I will marry you.

Then I have something for you.

At this point, he pulled out a ring. No, not that ring from the time before, but a new one with a fair sized square cut diamond with two smaller, triangular diamonds on either side, set in platinum. As he held out his hand to place the ring on her finger, Louisa gasped, surprised and delighted with his selection. He slid the ring down her finger (it fit perfectly), and kissed her hand, and leaned over and kissed her very tenderly on the mouth. She returned his kiss enthusiastically.

Let's go home and tell Joan. And, once she leaves, we can celebrate privately, if you know what I mean.

He hoped that he knew what she meant. It was funny how the months of awkwardness and tiredness had suddenly faded into the distant past of their memories. All they could think of at the moment was going home and showing each other why facing a future together was going to be a very fine thing indeed.

I would like to see your written list, when you get a chance to show me, Louisa said slyly. I think it's very special that you've gone to so much trouble to do this right. Martin, I want you to know one thing: I really love that you came back for us, despite how awfully I treated you when I was pregnant. I didn't mean to be so awful, but I was terribly hurt and jealous, because you'd appeared to have moved on, and I was going to be alone.

Your intentions are often good, your actions are often good. It's your words that have been the biggest source of contention over the years. Do you think you're really cured?

Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. This looks like one good, no spectacular, evening when I got it right. Earlier when we sat down, and I had pre-programmed my conversational topics, and you said something (now I don't even remember what), and I felt myself being distracted. That's the effect you have on me … at least for me, you are a distraction of major proportions.

No I'm not.

Yes, you are. But in a good way. I actually found myself thinking: I need to work with Dr. Milligan to develop methods to reduce being distracted by you. Although I suppose being distracted by you can be a good thing, right?

Louisa liked the sound of this. Maybe with time, Martin would relax more around her. She was comfortable with him. She trusted him more and more, and now that they had re-committed to each other, she began to trust that their marriage would be an interesting adventure. As they left the restaurant, Martin put his arm around her, a rare public display of affection, as they walked out to the car.

Martin, before we get home, let me say something. Thank you for wanting this so much that you went to therapy for us. I love you for that and I promise I will strive to be worthy of you and of being your wife. You've made me happier today than I can say. What you told me about your parents' marriage of convenience, and my parents didn't stay together or have a relationship worth emulating … I think it's a given that our marriage will have its challenges, but I'm already beginning to think of it affectionately as our marriage of inconvenience, the absolute opposite of what we've seen in our own families. Life is inconvenient, isn't it? Love certainly is. Now let's go home and I'll show you what I mean …


	3. Chapter 3

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

Have been encouraged to use better punctuation, especially around dialogue. Hope this works.

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

Up until now, the internal distractions were the biggest threat to their MOI. After his proposal and her acceptance, the larger distractions started to go back to their more familiar rhythms. Bert, with his lack of self-fulfillment and his seeming inability to quite do things right, whatever they were. Al and Pauline: on? Off? Pauline: was she destined to do more than draw blood and send it for testing? And what about her gambling habit? Mrs. Tishell's continuing fascination with all things Doc Martin.

The best thing about being part of a close-knit (some might say intrusive) was being part of a community that was practically like family. It was not coincidentally also the worst thing too. There's no hiding in the village when people want to know what's going on. Maintaining a sense of privacy was a doomed exercise – a nice thought, but not really an option.

They wanted to savor their news … for a day at least.

They didn't get that option.

Truth was, the villagers loved a good bit of gossip, and given Martin and Louisa's history of not making it all the way to the altar the last time meant they would be under the closest scrutiny this time around.

Everyone wanted to be involved in one way or another. Martin asked Chris Parsons to be his best man, and Louisa's friend Isabel, now a mother herself (and not pregnant this time), re-insisted that she wanted to be there for the people who had been there for her at the birth of her daughter.

They decided, however, to do the deed in the church they had originally booked. It was a different season of the year, early summer, and held the promise of that wonderful time of year in Cornwall. The old vicar had retired, due to his long rehabilitation from fixing his hip, and of course, his chronic drinking problem.

The newer vicar was a younger, more genial younger man. Since his arrival in Portwenn, the pews on Sundays were filling up nicely, and for the first time in memory, church attendance was up. Whether it had to do with his well presented, inspiring sermons, or whether it was more about his unmarried status, his charm and good looks, well, one couldn't possibly say.

Martin was not impressed.

Louisa, on the other hand, quite liked him. Although Philip was not even a toddler yet, she had begun to consider his education on multiple levels, including instruction in morality, the kind of thing you were likely to find at a church.

Young Father Jack, she called him, when referring to him in conversation, really delivered good sermons that spoke to your heart and your mind. This was a positive development as far as she was concerned.

Father Jack Harrington was formerly known merely as Jack Harrington, and had returned to Cornwall, after 10 years in exile in London. Somehow, most of the villagers who returned felt upon their return that in coming home, they were no longer in exile, but back with the community which had once been theirs, good and bad.

Martin regarded him with some suspicion, since Father Jack was closer in age to Louisa, fairly attractive ("no obvious defects, the tosser," he thought), and they obviously had known each other when they were younger. One good thing about Father Jack was: for a man of the cloth, he wasn't self-righteously preachy or haughty. In fact, he was quite easy to talk to, as many people found out when they sought his counsel.

As they met with him to prepare for their upcoming nuptials, Father Jack found that he really just liked this pair. For two people who had had such difficulty in coming together the first several times, but who obviously loved each other as much as they did, it was fun to challenge them. It wasn't that hard.

They were so very different.

Listening to anyone in the village, one might have the impression that Louisa was the better communicator of the two, but actually, she was the more empathetic. She wasn't particularly clear about many things, a trait which confounded Martin repeatedly. Eventually, she would make herself understood, but unusually through multiple tries. Martin, on the other hand, was crystal clear in most instances, abrupt, but perfectly clear on the surface. He cared less about what people thought – in its own way, his style was very liberating. He might be at a loss for words because he wasn't used to saying the words, especially about himself or his feelings, but for just about anything else, he was notably direct, blurting out what he really thought in nearly every circumstance.

Father Jack's counseling consisted of a series of exercises that they had to undergo prior to the wedding. They ranged from the practical to the cerebral. They had homework, which, frankly, given their busyness at home with the baby, added an odd dimension of stress at home. Preparing to get married, when you were already living together, made them think of things they hadn't quite thought through the first time. And for two smart people who had already jumped off the cliff, thinking after the fact shone some light in places where the cover of darkness might not be a bad thing.

By their actions, they had already answered one question: do you want children? Well, that was a decision that Louisa had made for them and they had both embraced by their present arrangement. She had always wanted children, once she found the man with whom she wanted to have children. The fact that Philip was the happy consequence of birth control failure, likely the first time they made love, actually made it all the more special in her mind. It confirmed for her that their love, once set ablaze, was productive beyond their imaginations (since at that point, they themselves had not discussed anything so forward looking as children … in fact, at that point, they hadn't talked much at all).

Taking the question to its logical next place: did they want more children? With Philip less than a year old, and Martin way outside his comfort zone, coping with Louisa and Philip, he assumed they didn't want more children. He constantly felt like his parenting skills didn't measure up. It's true, the love he felt for Philip, the natural protectiveness he felt for his son and his soon-to-be-wife, were new and powerful forces in his life. But that love hadn't softened many of his edges or standards. He felt he wasn't good enough, so why inflict himself on another child (or children)?

Martin's instinctive, "good God, no," to the question brought disappointment from Louisa. She wasn't getting any younger, and if they were going to have another, they probably ought to be thinking about it within the next year or two.

"Martin, don't you think this is something we should discuss?" she asked. "Philip is wonderful, and you're learning to be a terrific father to him. Why wouldn't we want to try for another?"

Still a bit hormonal, Louisa wasn't entirely rational at that moment, as she was also overcome with … well sadness that Martin might not even want to try to have another child.

"Louisa, I'm barely able to manage well as it is with Philip," said Martin a bit rashly. "I'm not sure I can be a good father to two children … in fact, I've never even thought of it. Why do we have to consider having another one now?"

Louisa retorted, "It's part of the homework we're supposed to do preparing for our wedding. Besides, as long as the subject's come up, I think we might as well consider the possibility now, even if we don't act on it for some time. I do want more children, if we're able. At my age, I'm not going to be able to for too long, so Father Jack's forcing us to have a conversation is not the worst thing that could happen, is it?"

Martin felt backed into a corner. It was true that they weren't getting any younger. His own childhood had been lonely for lack of a brother or sister. He conceded that his upbringing wasn't the one by which to judge all other childhoods … maybe a well meaning, if inexperienced, parent such as himself, wouldn't set his children on the path to isolated, lonely lives. Even he had been fortunate enough to have stumbled into Louisa, who (marvel of marvels) seemed to want to be with him. But, a diversionary tactic was called for …

"Why don't we get through the wedding before we move onto the next project?" he asked, as he sought to dodge the real question.

Her reaction, on hearing a future child referred to as "the next project" didn't exactly warm her heart, but Louisa tried to stop and count to ten before saying something she'd regret. Maybe Martin had been right with Joan the year before … people could change, if they had a reason to and wanted to. So she agreed to work on their wedding before moving onto "the next project."


	4. Chapter 4

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

Have been encouraged to use better punctuation, especially around dialogue. Hope this works.

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

Another probing question during the wedding preparations: How to raise their children? In the church, outside the church, public schooling, private schooling, athletic, musical, studious, freewheeling, readers, video-game players, with what values, experiences, moral guidance?

Harking back to Louisa's awful neighbors, the pretentious psychologist, his wife Terri and their undisciplined son, Sam, Martin and Louisa knew several things about child rearing: a child needs boundaries set and a few rules to live by, nearly as much as he or she needed love, and the basics, like food and shelter. As to the other things, well, they hadn't really had conversations around them yet.

Martin was of the opinion that they should provide the minimal answers to get them through the pre-marital counseling with Father Jack, receive permission to be married in the church, and move through the process as quickly (and painlessly) as possible. Louisa, on the other hand, welcomed the opportunity to force a few conversations with Martin. It was one of the things that both attracted and frightened Martin, because he knew conversations were, for him, like minefields. Without realizing it, he would step onto a conversational landmine, or launch a verbal grenade, without knowing exactly where the danger lay.

Another question: What are the signs of a successful marriage? They each had to provide a list of such signs, which they would discuss with Father Jack. And remember, this was the question that pretty much stopped Martin the first time they hadn't quite made it to the altar.

Martin's list was practical: they should love each other, he should provide for them (by provision, he meant a safe home, nutritious diet and plenty of exercise), they should bring up Philip to be a healthy, happy child. More recently, he had learned that he should also contribute on some level to Louisa's happiness by telling her once in a while why he loved her. In this way, he could somewhat answer the question that had caused their circuitous route to the altar … do I make her happy?

Louisa's list was more heart-centric: they love each other, they love their son, family and friends, they should try and understand each other, they should listen to each other, they should build a loving and safe home together, they should both contribute to their home, they should provide their child with a wonderful education and bring him up knowing he was loved and wanted.

At their premarital counseling session, Father Jack asked them to read each other's answers.

He asked them, "What does it mean to love each other? You each have that at the top of your lists, but it's literally the shortest thing on each of your lists. What does loving each other mean to you?"

"Providing a safe and healthy home environment," said Martin.

"Showing you and telling you how much you mean to me," said Louisa.

Father Jack immediately responded to their descriptions, "Exactly. Each of your answers is correct, but do you see how they differ? For Martin, one of the most loving things he can think of doing is making sure you're provided for, Louisa."

As she answered that observation, Louisa said to Martin, "Don't get me wrong, that's fine with me, but all I really want, from time to time, is to hear you say that you love me and Philip, and that you want to be with us."

Once again, Martin was a bit confused as he said, "Of course I want to be with you. I told you once, I can't bear to be apart and that's still true. I am not in the habit of openly discussing my feelings. It's … not natural."

"What's not natural is not letting the most important people in your life know how important they are, especially when one of those people is me," said Louisa, a little miffed.

Father Jack jumped back in, "Louisa, Martin is giving you some very honest feedback. It's not natural, to use his words, for him to say these things. Maybe over time and with some effort on his part, Martin will learn to use words as well as actions to show you how much he loves you. And you, Louisa, might remember that these words from him are … well, they're special, aren't they? You can set the example by thanking him for all the things he does for you and Philip."

Louisa was a little chagrined to realize that she was as much to blame for their communications breakdowns as Martin, and decided she would do exactly as had been suggested. The truth was, they could all benefit from a little more civility to each other as they started their new life together.

In all other areas of the counseling, they adopted Martin's more direct, less detailed, approach – try and get through so they could marry and get on with their lives. It was a good decision.


	5. Chapter 5

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

Have been encouraged to use better punctuation, especially around dialogue. Hope this works.

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

Martin and Louisa had decided that it was important to include many of their friends in the village in the wedding, so as to publicly erase the mess they had created during their "trial run," as it were. Although their feelings for each other were private, they wished to publicly declare their vows, so that no one would think they'd "had to get married," due to the arrival of their son before they'd sorted out all of their feelings for each other. If they waited for those feelings to be fully sorted, they might never have reached the altar.

They were married in a fairly traditional Solemnization of Holy Matrimony, straight out of the Book of Common Prayer. No one stood to object to their coupling, and following the kiss signaling their first "official" act as husband and wife, spontaneous applause erupted from the congregation, signaling general goodwill towards the happy couple.

At the reception following the main event, good wishes and a lot of advice poured forth from many quarters.

Chris Parsons, the best man, stood to make a short speech. Once he had everyone's attention, he began, "I have known Martin since we were together in medical school, more than 20 years ago. In all the time that I've known him, he's been an excellent student and scholar, became a first rate, highly respected vascular surgeon, and lately, an excellent diagnostician and GP, here in Portwenn. It's almost ironic, isn't it, that his chosen profession would involve matters surrounding the heart. He literally can diagnose and fix anything physically wrong affecting the heart's workings – blood going in and out, circulation, all that good stuff. But when it came to matters of his own heart, I can assure you, he's never been more at odds about how to handle a situation as when he met, and fell in love with, Portwenn's beautiful primary school teacher, later headmistress, Louisa. As many of you know, he's been taken with her for a while, but being Martin, wasn't quite sure how to handle someone so spirited, so direct, so lovely and so … 'different.' So he reverted to what he knew … study, study and more study. The problem is, Louisa's not really a specimen in a petri dish, is she? She's just a little more complicated than that. The good news is, all the while that Martin was studying her, it would seem she was studying him too. Thank God, their attraction to each other appears to be mutual and exclusive. Her lifelong habit is one more of taking action when she sees someone she wants and loves. So kudos to you, Louisa, for letting Martin back in when it seemed like he might be leaving forever.

Let's raise a glass and toast to two well intentioned people who've finally found foils for their own styles, a wonderful combination in their son, Philip, and a community that loves them too. May you, Martin and Louisa, be blessed with long, healthy lives together. Cheers." Echoes of other cheers, here here, etc. came from the crowd as they raised their glasses and drank a toast.

And then, the unexpected happened. No one would have predicted that Martin would stand up to address everyone, least of all, Louisa. But he had something to say. A hush fell over the crowd.

"I know that many of you enjoyed listening to the birth of our son, thanks to Bert's rigging up a PA system, and my mobile being on when I was chasing after Tommy's Taxi that fateful day. Of course, I didn't know it at the time, that one of our most intimate moments would be broadcast so effectively for everyone's entertainment. You all heard me declare that I had made a colossal mistake in not marrying Louisa the first time, when I had the chance, when we had the chance," Martin paused to take a breath, and then continued.

"I don't know how many of you have tried to make Louisa see reason and encourage her to look elsewhere for a husband. I can only say, I'm incredibly grateful and humbled by the fact that when she looks at me, I think her vision must still be a little impaired, for she can look past my faults and see someone who loves her wholeheartedly. I may spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of her love. Actually, I expect to. But I know it will be worth the effort because she is so special. Please raise your glasses with me and join me in this toast to my new wife – I love you, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and Philip. Please be patient with me, because I know I still have a lot to learn. Thank you for marrying me, Louisa."

There were quite a few eyes that teared up over such a heartfelt speech from Martin, who was normally so terse in his expressions. One pair was Louisa's. She got up and took his face between both of her hands and kissed him quite tenderly on the lips. "Thank you Martin, for such a lovely speech," she whispered, for it was intended for his ears only. The band started up, and they headed to the dance floor hand in hand for their first dance together as husband and wife. After a few turns around the floor, they invited their guests to join them, and the party broke into a joyous celebration for all.


	6. Chapter 6

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

I possess no special medical knowledge. Any mistaken descriptions of anything are figments of my imagination.

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

Isabel agreed to watch Philip that night, staying with him in their house, while Martin and Louisa enjoyed their first night as a married couple at a hotel in Truro. They were only taking a few days off, but they really wanted Philip with them, except for that first night. Martin had rented a small cottage further down the coast following their first night as a married couple, where they could enjoy the beauty of Cornwall, without being under the watchful eyes of the villagers for a few days. So the next day, they picked up Philip, as they headed south for a few days of much needed privacy. In an unfamiliar setting, where they could concentrate on each other apart from their daily concerns, they reconfirmed why they enjoyed being together. They really enjoyed the basics, watching and playing with Philip and taking care of him, cooking meals together, relaxing together without interruptions – all very secure that they were now officially a family, officially together for the rest of their lives.

Upon their return to the village, it was apparent how well rested they were, and how contented they seemed. It would be fair to say that Martin was less grumpy, but still pretty direct and abrupt in his dealings with most people. He felt more a part of the community to be sure, but for him this almost felt a bit oppressive and cloying, since he never really sought to be part of anything, except his nuclear family.

Louisa went back to her position as headmistress as Mrs. Ellingham and their lives took on an air of normalcy.

They were, however, expected to be participating members of their small community. The annual dance fundraiser had come round again; Louisa was a regular attendee, but Martin had dodged the chance to shake his booty for all the years he had lived in Portwenn. To be sure, his first year in Portwenn, he had come to the dance ostensibly to find Mark Mylow to Section 8 Stuart, the Park Ranger. His other reason for at least showing up, according to his Aunt Joan, was to see Louisa, only to find she appeared to be enjoying herself on the dance floor with Mark. Louisa was crestfallen that Martin had seen her enjoying herself with Mark, but that was her nature, wasn't it? She had only agreed to go with Mark because he agreed to go at all. She had originally offered her extra ticket to Martin, who repeatedly said no.

He couldn't say no now, nor could he really hide. If they were going to be part of the community, they had to do community things, like the local fundraisers or fairs. Martin did insist, however, that he would never participate in the annual talent contest. After all, he had his professional standing to maintain.

But back to the event at hand, the annual dance. Louisa decided to wear a dress that showed her figure to great advantage, flowing with every little move. Martin, predictably, wore … yes, of course, he wore a suit and tie, because he owned no other attire, nor had he any intention of acquiring other attire, at least not to be worn in public. Truthfully, he wished to go early, make an appearance, talk to a few people, and get home before his daily schedule was too disrupted.

But even the best laid plans don't always work out, do they?

More than a few villagers took the opportunity to consume large amounts of alcohol before shaking their booties and other body parts. What they didn't know was that Bert, in supplying some of the punch this year, had deliberately (though not maliciously) introduced a foreign element into the special punch. The effect produced a higher than normal level of arousal in those who consumed mass quantities of the intoxicating beverage.

The dance wasn't exactly x-rated, but people seemed uninhibited and quite interested in touching each other. Martin, of course, was not affected since he never consumed alcohol. But Louisa was another story. She had enjoyed the punch, and suddenly was seeing Martin with new eyes. He had never looked so handsome, she thought. In fact, he was downright hot. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to grab him intimately and kiss him in places she knew would elicit a response from him. It was distracting in the extreme, and made his ability to focus on diagnosing whatever was wrong with everyone difficult.

While Martin was flattered, he realized something was not right. True, in the privacy of their own home, Louisa was the more proactively affectionate of the two. But her reactions at the dance were not all hers. And it was very clear that others were under the same spell.

It was hard to fathom what madness had overtaken everyone, but Martin was worried. On the one hand, he wanted to attend to Louisa, but it was clear that something was going on with a lot of the villagers. Even Joe Penhale had imbibed and was hanging all over some young woman (and she him). Would the effects wear off? And when? Would there be residual effects? What was causing this behavior?

It took Martin a while to determine what all of the affected people had in common, but once he narrowed it down to the punch, and once he knew that Bert had something to do with it, his suspicions grew. "Herbal punch? I don't think so," Martin thought to himself. But he was having trouble fending off Louisa, who continued to grab him in what he would normally consider private places. Of course, Louisa was not herself.

He could find no actual evidence. But Martin confronted Bert, who admitted that he had indeed played a little joke on the town, hoping to inject a little magic into the evening. He agreed that he had no idea what the effects would be … he just wanted to make the evening memorable. It was something he'd ordered off the internet "Make your party memorable" … well, no worries here about that. He figured that if you could order it off the internet, how bad could it be?

Luckily, no major articles of clothing were permanently discarded, although a few were tossed off in the heat of the moment. Really, seeing that many people frenzied and going after each other was disconcerting, to the few unaffected eyes in the room.

Once Martin dumped the remaining affected punch, and insisted that people drink water to flush their systems out, it was as though they were collectively coming off of a hangover. Details were fuzzy to them, but no one appeared to have any lingering symptoms. Even Louisa just wanted to go home to sleep for she had suddenly gotten very tired.

Do these things happen in other villages around the country? Martin debated the merits of writing up the details of this incident, but in the end and lacking real evidence, decided against it. He issued a stern lecture to Bert about tampering with anything for public consumption (honestly, you'd think someone who'd infected the entire village once before with his special bottled water would know better, but his memory seemed to have faded on that account). Satisfied the incident would not be repeated and that he would watch Bert closely at these kinds of events in the future, Martin filed it away in his memory, but he decided that lacking actual evidence and the fact that no one seemed to have any lingering effects, he would remain silent and vigilantly watchful in the future.


	7. Chapter 7

Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.

Although I'm trying to make it so, this collection of observations is not necessarily linear ...

**A Marriage of Inconvenience**

Living with Louisa was a constant study in "otherness." Her open nature and goodwill towards Martin and Philip was infectious. Martin was constantly reminded of why he was so powerfully attracted to her.

For someone who had been so inhibited around him when she was his patient, she quickly grew comfortable being in close proximity to Martin. In the privacy of their home and bedroom, she had fewer and fewer inhibitions about anything having to do with Martin. In fact, she liked exploring his body, figuring out where he was most sensitive, and how she could push his buttons to produce a desired response.

It turns out his thoughtless comments during their pre-marital state were major indicators about how to turn him on or off. Martin's sense of smell was acute. Perhaps that drove his original personal fastidiousness, but Louisa realized she could use that knowledge to her benefit. She quickly discovered that he liked the subtlest of scents, and that strategically placed on her body, could encourage him in his explorations of her. The whole kenzo flower debacle could actually produce a positive result, once she realized which scents drove him on an animal level to discover a scent you had to be on top of her to notice at all, then to have him determine where else on her body it lay. It became an intoxicating game for the two of them.

Oddly enough, it worked the other way too. Martin did not wear aftershave, but his pheromones were a natural attractor for Louisa. She loved the way he smelled in all his private places too, which surprised him, since of course, he couldn't smell himself. At first he was concerned that he was missing something, but when Louisa instructed him to just lay back and let her discover more things she loved about him, who was he to argue?

They discovered that getting dressed together could be an adventure all its own. Martin had perfected the five minute shower, shave and suit up, provided he had everything in its place. Louisa took a little longer in her personal daily preparations. Martin liked to watch her come out of the shower and carefully apply lotion (unscented of course) to keep her skin quite soft and alluring. She had a way of rubbing it on her legs, then her arms, then breasts, stomach and back (as far as she could reach) that was an entertaining floorshow for him, although she did these things even when he wasn't there. She took care of herself in such a matter of fact fashion, but to someone who had not lived with a woman in an intimate setting, it was instructive. He often offered to help apply the lotion, and she enjoyed his help and his touch, too.

She was intriguing.

After spending years imagining what it would be to spend time with her, now that he had that luxury, he was a bit overwhelmed by how much better the whole experience was in real life. There were so many unexpected pleasures on a daily basis.

Because they had spent so little time together prior to their marriage, she didn't know what he was like either on a daily basis. He was more thoughtful than anyone would have ever guessed, based on his outward general grumpiness and perpetual scowl. He liked rising early and preparing his coffee and her tea, so they could chat companionably before jumping into their daily routines and dealing with the intrusive (nosy?) neighbors, patients and general public. He also liked feeding Philip, who was always so happy to see him first thing in the morning. Philip wasn't speaking yet in so many words, but Martin began to take the opportunity to talk to him. At first, he felt completely awkward doing it, but as he got used to the idea, he enjoyed the company. And he used the time to sort out things he didn't ordinarily talk to others about. Louisa found the whole situation entertaining.

Martin was stretching in ways he didn't know he could, as was she.

"So, today you'll be going with your mum to the school and nursery. You like the nursery, do you? What exactly about all those other children appeals to you?" he asked. "It couldn't be their scintillating conversations because let's face it … many of you do not actually talk. So what is it? You just like being around other people? Well, although to look at you, you're clearly my son and yes, sorry about those ears … we'll deal with them at a later date if we must … but you're also your mother's son, aren't you? She loves being around other people and I think in this regard, you must be like her."

Reducing the universe to the differences between himself and Louisa was vastly entertaining to her, as she managed to eavesdrop on these "conversations." In his own way, Martin was sorting out the universe for his boy, but also for himself. Possibly in developing insight about his son's place in the world would crystallize it for him as well.

Or maybe not. There was so much to observe and learn; frankly it was endless.

Philip loved watching other people and children. To his father's horror, he loved dogs, cats and even the chickens at Aunt Joan's. Louisa was less stressed about this, since most children love animals and dogs can be quite good companions for a young boy.

Philip's physical resemblance to his father was startling. Had there been any doubt as to his parentage prior to his birth (who would possibly start such rumors? The chemist?), there was none as he grew. He was the spitting image of his father at the same age. Except that, unlike Martin who only appeared fairly somberly in the few photos from his youth, save when he visited his aunt and uncle in Cornwall, Philip had a wide smile which, like his mother, he demonstrated quite frequently. He was a happy child. Of course, he was loved by both his parents, despite his arrival having been unplanned.

They were amazed at how quickly he appeared to watch and learn the world around him. In fact, the speed with which he learned new things was a bit frightening, especially to Martin, who was not used to being around children. Louisa was delighted that their son showed all of the promise that one might expect of a child of hers and Martin's. He loved listening to her read and smiled when she smiled, laughed when she laughed. He also loved listening to her sing to him, cooing happily along with her. Martin loved watching them both and listening to them, though he was more apt to join in the reading portion of the activities than the singing.

For someone who had spent so much of his adulthood in as isolated a fashion as possible, the closeness of a family, the tactile nature of dealing with a small child and a loving wife, were also quite outside his normal comfort zone. He found he liked it. While he had always had to touch patients while examining them, he mostly did that with gloved hands. His sense of touch was heightened now, though, in dealing with his own family.

Everything for Philip was extremely soft and touchable. With his fresh baby smell and wonderfully cuddly clothes, not to mention just how irresistible his little smile, he was a magnet for every villager who came within sight.

Knowing how easily germs would spread throughout the village, Martin did not want unnecessary people handling his child, whether to tickle him under the chin, or to pat his head … these actions were neither sought nor welcomed by his father. But Philip liked being held by people, mainly his mum and dad, but also Aunty Joan and others. Because he was out among people so often, he didn't mind the bustle of noise or other distractions. In fact, it was becoming apparent that he sort of liked people, although he might be a little shy upon meeting someone new.

Martin never talked down to him, treating him a bit like a little adult. His conversational topics were a little over Philip's head, but somehow, he appeared attentive whenever Martin spoke. Martin did try to explain how things worked, so his son would be well equipped whenever he headed off to school (some years hence, to be sure). At an early age, he learned about how viruses worked, why one didn't take antibiotics for viral infections, the mechanics of why people sneezed, the importance of exercise and a good diet.

After he began to walk, he loved holding onto Martin's trouser leg and toddling along beside him. This slowed the normally fast walker down quite a bit, but he felt it was important for Philip to walk as much as possible on his own. Louisa's heart melted at the sight of them, and she took numerous photos of them: from behind, when they stopped while Martin explained something to Philip or vice versa, or later, when Philip became tired, and Martin picked him up and carried him the rest of the way. The two of them could be seen all over the village, shopping at the green grocers or the chemists or down at the beach, playing in the sand.

It was nice to see Martin have a friend, even a little one.


End file.
